Category name:Humor

Dead Comedian Files Lawsuit Against TSA

November 18, 2010 / Comments Off on Dead Comedian Files Lawsuit Against TSA

Red Foxx filed a lawsuit against the TSA from beyond the grave yesterday claiming “Get Your Hands Off My Junk” was his trademarked signature line from his hit comedy show “Sanford and Son” show back in the 1970’s.

"Elizabeth, it's the Big One... the Big One...I'm coming bay-bee..."

“Lamont, Lamont, I feel the Big One coming, I’m coming to see ya Lizbeth…”

@GovKaineBrow

Jack Conway Denies Love Child With Ahmadinejad

October 26, 2010 / Comments Off on Jack Conway Denies Love Child With Ahmadinejad

In a shocking development threatening the viability of Democrat Jack Conway’s campaign for a Kentucky Senate Seat, Iranian dissident Press outlets are reporting the existence of a Love Child in Tehran.

According to local birth records, the alleged spawn of candidate Jack Conway and Iranian President Ahmadi is a 3 year old boy named Mahmoud AquaBuddaJad.

More #KYsen news to follow…

Sheriff Joe Arpaio Joins New Black Panther Party

In a stunning move today, Maricopa county Sheriff Joe Arpaio joined the New Black Panther Party and changed his name to Malik Shabazz Arpaio.

Eric Holder immediately announced the Department of Justice was dropping all pending lawsuits against Sheriff Arpaio.

So let’s recite an Eric Holder Nursery Rhyme from @GovKaineBrow for giggles & grins:

Eric Holder…

So Much Bolder…

Sued Sheriff Joe for Sport…

Black Panthers know…

Old Sheriff Joe…

will get THEIR day in Court…

MORE TO COME ON THIS STORY

My Name is Basil Marceaux Dot Com Separated at Birth at Stalag 13

Basis Marceaux, candidate for Governor of Tennessee, has brought smiles to the blogging community.  The guy just has a way with words.

But what most people don’t know is that Basil is the Love Child of John Banner and famous mime, Marcel Marceaux.

Who is John Banner?  Why Sgt. Schultz of Hogan’s Heroes, of course.

LeBeau get back in your barracks!

I See Nothing...

Bobnoxious is looking for gubernatorial or political look-a-likes for Colonel Klink, Major Hochstetter and General Burkhalter.

I remain convinced that Barbara Boxer was Frau Linkmeyer in an earlier incarnation which is a truly scary proposition, is it not?

UPDATE:

Pay Czar, Kenneth Feinberg, does bear an uncanny and spooky resemblance to the Commandant of Stalag 13, the indefatigable Colonel Wilhelm Klink — or as they say in German, Oberst Klink.  Check it out:

Schultz! Take Newkirk & Carter to the Cooler!

Hogan, Dismissssssssssssssssssed!

John Kerry & SS Condiments of The Sea

July 29, 2010 / Comments Off on John Kerry & SS Condiments of The Sea

America’s favorite full time gold digger and part time Senator from Peeps Republic of Massachusetts has been in the news lately.  Doing his share to create American jobs he had his custom yacht built in New Zealand.  Doing his share to support marina workers in the Bay State he decided to park his barge in the Ocean State.  And of course, none of this had anything to do with dodging taxes in Massachusetts that would help Deval Patrick fund healthcare for all.

I can imagine the conversation aboard Isabel just before Teresa and John adjourn to spend the night in their separate luxury onboard suites:  “John, honey, you should’ve stuck to wind surfing.”

So time for some @GovKaineBrow nursery rhymes:

Kerry Kerry quite contrary

How didja cut that check?

The Five hundred large

To tax that barge

Came from Teresa what the heck…

Mister Flip-Flop is a target rich environment:

Humpty Kerry bought a Big Yacht

Dodged the taxes but got Caught

All the Heinz Money

And the Heinz Cash

Couldn’t stop Kerry from being an Ass…

Another:

John be nimble

John be quick

Teresa saved your ass

You prick…

One More:

Sail sail sail your yacht

Merrily down the Cape

Pay your taxes now you Creep

Then you can escape…

And a Bonus rhyme for all you Pancy Nelosi fans:

Nancy Pancy puddin & pie

Time to kiss your job goodbye

When it comes Election Day

Your Dem majority goes away…

Gotta go.  Time to work on some Charlie Mangle material now…

Helen Thomas Named US Ambassador to Arizona

June 7, 2010 / Comments Off on Helen Thomas Named US Ambassador to Arizona

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs today defended the administration’s decision to name Helen Thomas as US Ambassador to Arizona by calling it a classic case of making lemons into lemonade.

Reading from prepared notes, Gibbs said Ambassador Thomas’ first official action would be to visit Arizona to invite Arizonans of  Euro-American decent to re-emigrate to the United States.

Smiling, the slyly humorous Mister Gibbs said Ambassador Thomas is free to use her own language to express the Administration’s position towards encouraging certain citizens of Arizona to repatriate to America.

Bonus Nursery Rhyme from @govkainebrow:

Hamas Helen Puddin & Pie kissed Hamas & her Credibility byebye.

When her Mouth comes out to play AntiSemitism Rules the Day…

#tcot #israel

“What’s the Matter with Karachi?” is new Thomas Frank Book

May 5, 2010 / Comments Off on “What’s the Matter with Karachi?” is new Thomas Frank Book

“These Pakistani citizen’s are living the American dream so why do they insist on voting Jihadi?,” asks Thomas Frank rhetorically in his new LibLogic Book release, “What’s The Matter With Karachi?

As Ezra Klein said on his WaPo blog, losing his house to foreclosure is what pushed Faisal Shazad into a Jihadi fury.  He learned how to self-loathe like any good progressive ‘merican citizen.

But enough opinion journalism, let’s get to some quality hard news reporting from one of the Dinosaur Media as CBS news reported on the story of the motivations of the Times Square Bomber with straight-faced journalistic panache  & integrity:

Faisal Shahzad’s Motive Shrouded in Mystery

Man who Admits Plot to Explode Bomb-Rigged SUV in Times Square Spent Decade in U.S. on Path to Respectability

(link: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/05/national/main6462351.shtml?tag=cbsContent;cbsCarousel)

My sides hurt with credible laughter… But wait there’s more Pulitzer quality investigative work from CBS to report:

Sources tell CBS News there is no evidence Shahzad was part of a broader plot. But investigators are very interested in Shahzad’s recent stay in Pakistan – he was there for several months – and the FBI wants to find out who else he had contact with, reports CBS News Justice correspondent Bob Orr.

The juxtaposition of the first two sentences is Colbert-esque in it’s irony.  Of course, there is ABSOLUTELY no connection between the Times Square Bomb attempt and the recent stay in Pakistan.  None whatsoever.

At times like this I almost miss having Dan Rather to kick around…

Frank Rich Fingers The Original Tea Party Racists…

December 16, 1763 was the date of The Original Boston Tea Party.

The following day, December 17, 1763, the Boston Chronicle published the now universally famous essay “Welcome to Colonial History Month” penned by the talented Tory inkstained scribe, Sir Francis Rich.

Rich’s incisive essay no doubt changed the course of Colonial history in the Americas and is still taught in Freshman Journalism class at the King’s Ivy League schools to this day.

In the piece, Rich correctly identifed the Original Tea Party crew as racists for dressing like Injuns to dump crates of legal, lightly taxed tea into Boston Harbor in a faux protest driven by their misguided desire to demonize the King of England.

In his most famous passage, Sir Rich spoke Truth to the Usurpers of Power:

How our current spike in neo-Colonial rebellion will end is unknown. It’s unnerving that Tea Party leaders and the so-called Sons of Liberty now aim to create a new volunteer militia that, as Prime Minister Lord North has put it, would use as yet mysterious means to “help defend against what they believe are illegal and improper infringements by the Crown on Colonial sovereignty.”

This is the same ideology that animated Guy Fawkes, whose attempted strike against the so-called ‘tyrannical’ King’s government will reach its 165th anniversary on Monday in the same city where Parliament meets.

Once correctly educated by Rich, the loyal subjects of Massachusetts united in a backlash against the Tea Partiers.  The deceptively named Sons of Liberty were arrested and prosecuted including ringleader Samuel Adams. 

Upon his release from gaol, Samuel Adams was publicly forced to imbibe copious amounts of his own illegal home brew before being tarred, feathered and ridden from town on a rail  — but not before being levied for the full amount of alcohol taxes due by his Majesty’s tax collector, Sir Timothy Geithner.

As teachers and students know well, the loyal subjects of Massachusetts learned the correct lesson from this episode, including many commoners who may have been initially snookered by the heated rhetoric of Adams et al. 

The good people of Massachusetts rejected the false promises of the Sons Of Liberty and have remained true to the Crown to this day.

With his characteristic wit and insight, Sir Francis forestalled a potential Revolution in the Americas– and no doubt saved The Colonies from a descent into the inevitable chaos of Democracy and Individual Liberty.

 

And that boys and girls is today’s lesson in Progressive Revisionist History…

Aside:  Samuel Adams was once quoted as saying, “I know Lord Charles Blow and Charles Blow is no Crispus Attucks.”

satirical inspiration from this @GovKaineBrow tweet:

HISTORY REVISED: Tories brand the ORIGINAL Tea Party crew as racists for dressing like Injuns & forestall the American Revolution… #tcot

11:51 AM  April 19  via web

 

Hashtag Fun with Political #BirdFilms…

April 12, 2010 / Comments Off on Hashtag Fun with Political #BirdFilms…

… just a few movie titles from political movies from @GovKaineBrow tweet stream for a bipartisan chuckle or two:

Political #BirdFilms “Doctor StorkLove”
8:32 PM Apr 9th via web

Political #BirdFilms: “Wag the Vulture”
8:32 PM Apr 9th via web

Political #BirdFilms “Thank you for Finching”
8:34 PM Apr 9th via web

Politcal #BirdFilms “Primary Plovers”
8:35 PM Apr 9th via web

Political #BirdFilms “A Flamingo In The Crowd”
#EliaKazan #OldyMoldyGoody
8:39 PM Apr 9th via TweetDeck

Political #BirdFilms “The Manchurian Cormorant”
#OldBlueEyes
8:40 PM Apr 9th via web

Political #BirdFilms “All the President’s Macaws”
9:01 PM Apr 9th via web

Political #BirdFilms “Mr. Sandpiper Goes to Washington”
9:02 PM Apr 9th via web